My Letter to Inner Little Loi

Dear Inner Little Loi,

Dear Inner Little Loi,

You are not a bitch. I know that you think you are an easy person, but in hindsight I couldn’t be wrong. You had to go through the wrongness in the society, but you had found a way to free it with your courage to fight for what you want.

I’m writing a letter to you. To tell you how I am so proud of you. I’m proud of all of the things that you learn to overcome. I’m proud of your ability to accept, grow, and change...

Also, to tell you that you are a guilt-free of your story, and that you don’t need to feel fear of other people.

I know that your parents’ marriage lasts for a long time. And that you deserve to be loved. I also know that after your ex, you feel like the end of your world. No, however, you will have a new love life.

You will be dating a man who is afraid of losing you. And you will know that he is always there for you.

I know you feel as if the world is against you and ending all at once. Your anxiety is your only situation, but it shouldn’t have to be. The nature of anti-depressants you’ve been prescribed will last for a long time. You will live the stability life.

But you do still see your psychiatrist and express how you feel about your day. I know you are not a monster, you are a good person. A good person who can go thru the difficult times with difficult people. You won’t realize until you find people who do actually love you. It shows you what you could become if you should feel stress around the people who love you. It also teaches you how to feel grateful for the loves that surround you. The loves that allow you to be seen in the world. And that you have no privilege to experience disappear from the world. Gratitude will run your life. And that is beautiful. You will finally be guilt-free of this part of your story. You will be able to talk to your friend and he will share his story experience. Also, you have what your family and friends are for.

Finally, you will grow into someone who know you and learn more about openness, healing, acceptance, love, and gratitude. But for now on you are where you need to be.

Love, Future Adult Loi 

Housing Needed

It’s 2019, and I’m not ready for it. Why not? Because of I still have no home. I’m crying! I’m trying my best to stay positive but seriously need a roof over my head! What is the hell wrong with people?! Why can’t they let me move in home by now? Okay, life is not easy when having no home. Hey seriously! Home is for everyone! Not homeless! Homeless NEEDS ENOUGH! It’s time for vacant the homeless people to the homes. Do you know why I need home? Because of...

• I’m not the wild animal.
• Home keep me warm from cold outside, keep me cool from the hot sun, keep me dry from rain, name it.
• Rest on soft, not on the street.
• Food, clothes 
• Bath to keep me clean 
• More space 
• Etc.

This is why home is so important! Without it, I’m going to be like a crazy woman! Because of it’s too hard for me! However, this is not who I am. I am a sweet woman and I should be not outside at all the time. I need love, not hate. It’s really sad to see homeless people feel unloved, uncared and sad. But some of them have a positive thought. And I try to copy that example. I need to learn how to be patient with people who continue to stay progressing my home credit as I allow them to have time to decide if they want me to be a tenant or not. I’m not need to worry about them as I have God in my life. I pray Him for finding me a home.

                                          Lord, help me find home 

                                          Thus, I can write a spiritual poem

                                          About You, my Lord

                                          Forgive people who hungry for money 

                                          As I forgive them for being selfish 

                                           Thank you for hearing my prayer. Amen.

My Messy Saturday

Yesterday was my messy Saturday. I left home unpreparedly. At bus stop, I searched my bus pass. But I found none. Yikes! I had to go back home and grab it and the key. God, why that's happened to me? Well, it's happened. When I went back home, I tried to ring the bell because my key was not with me. I rang the bell several times until finally, my roommate returned home from the store. So, I made it in home and I had to accept my lesson of losing one hour waiting for the next bus. I was supposed to leave home at 11:50am. Unfortunately, I did not prepare for the day. And so, I had to wait for the next bus.  

At 1pm, I got on the bus. Rode me to downtown. And transferred me to the second bus for Starbucks. 

In Starbucks, I made the poetic video of myself being a single lady. I had been single for long, long, long time. No good man ever wants me? Did I make him wrong? Well, it's me who I can love myself. But it would be very nice if I can be a selfless love. For a good man who he would have ever love me in my 20's. Now I'm in my 30's thanking my overprotective parents who are free to choose any man in their faith for me. But the good thing is they can let Jehovah to take care of me. God watch over me as I regularly pray any confession I confess to Him. From now on every Saturday I choose to date myself, drinking my favorite drink, and reading my favorite book which I love to have to peace of my mind. I'm glad that I can go in a quiet place.  

RedStar Paris white top-Gift from mom/Red pants-Charlotte Russe/Hot Pink Ties Gray Fila Sneakers-BROOKS

After Starbucks, I went to shop in K-Mart and bought something I need. And then I returned home. Sweet Home Sweet. Mm.

My Goals for 2018

Today is Thursday. And I set my goals for 2018. Soon 2017 will be end, and 2018 is on the way. Here are my goals for 2018 with my reasons. 

#1 Prayer 

Prayer is important. Why do I pray? 

Three reasons: 

1) request for help 

2) ask anything according to God's Will 

3) express my gratitude 

Goal: Apply two scriptures, 1 John 5:14 and 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, set the time before I crawl to bed. 

#2 Holy Bible Reading  

Reading the Holy Bible important. Why do I read the Holy Bible? 

Reason: God’s Word is inspiration as 2 Timothy 3:16-17. Also, to gain salvation.  

Goal: To motivate my Holy Bible reading daily, apply all scriptures, understand the messages of God and share the benefits of what I learn from the Holy Bible with people.

#3 Write a journal 

Writing a journal is great. Why is it important for me to write?  

Reason: Journal is the best way for me to write. So that I can reflect the events. 

Goal: Write what’s on my mind.

#4 Sleep well 

Sleeping well is important. Why? 

Reason: My body need enough energy. 

Goal: Sleep 8 hours, set an alarm, avoid using laptop monitors/cell phone one hour before I go to sleep, and sleep with curtains half-open. 

#5 Physical Activity  

Physical Activity is important. Why do I need it? 

Reason: It helps me to prevent and reduce the risk of some diseases. Also, it helps me to keep my mind healthy.#MentalHealthAwareness 

Goal: Walk for 1 hour every day, workout programs. 

  

#6 Diet 

Diet is important. Why? 

Reason: My body need energy, have healthy weight, prevent and reduce disease, and have a good mental health. 

Goal: Follow diet plans, no junk food but I can have gluten-free baked goods. 

#7 Explore 

Explore is great! Why?  

Reason: To take an opportunity of going to different places, meet new people, and socialize with people I know. 

Goal: Attend to different events monthly. 

Special goal: Go to Starbucks or any coffee shop on every Saturday.

#8 Have a good budget  

Have a good budget is important. Why do I need to manage my budget well? 

 Reason: Saving money can help me become financially secure and provide a safety net in case of an emergency.  Goal: Save whatever left I have in my bank. 

#9 Reading… 

Reading is important. Why do I read? 

Reason: To gain my knowledge, help me build my vocabulary words, and understand the story. 

Goal: Pick a book and read, set my reading time, motivate to read.

#10 Video Diary 

Why do I film myself in video diary? 

Reason: Help me to remember the events, share my experiences with people, and educate them of what I learn from the lessons. 

Goal: Set the time for video diary, express from my heart. 

#11 Keep a planner organized 

Keeping a planner organized is important. Why do I keep a planner? 

Reason: To remember the plan for the day. And not to forget what I forget.  

Goal: Carry the planner book with me and mark the date.  

That’s all. Set your goals for 2018! Peach 2018! 😉  I will set some new goals in every month. Are you ready for 2018? Yours, Loiriam